Today was my last day of summer. This means that tonight is the last night of this journal. I hung out with Jess, got my brows done, bought a belt and t-shirt. Also I went to the volleyball game with Celeste and Noah.
It was such a good day.
Thank you for being a friend when I felt like I had none.
Finally! I’m back to Duluth. I’m starting to develop a cold. Maybe a relapse of the flu I had. Yuck!
Dee was acting SUPER weird, like I had to ask him if he was high because it was so strange. Whatever, I guess if he wants to act like a weirdo it’s fine.
Today I went paintballing!! It was so fun. I was pretty much badass. I only got shot one time! Emily shot my leg. It only hurt for like 5 minutes so that is pretty cool.
It sucks how when we go back to Duluth everything will go back to normal and Sara and Em will have each other and so will Hannah and Celeste. Whatever! I keep thinking that I need a “best friend” but it’s quite obvious that I don’t.
Today was Jumpstart at East High School. This summer my handwriting has completely disappeared so now I am writing like a chicken.
Anyways we drove into town today and I got my picture taken for school. I hope it isn’t horrible. I’m starting to get kind of nerrrrrvous for high school!
Oh! I’ve been so busy that I forgot to tell you that I tried smoking marijuana… OMG! It was really really different and FUN! I will definitely do it again. It was me, Noah, Dee, Parker and Emily! It was so fun!
Note to future self: DON’T let pot take over your life! It’s a bad idea. Please don’t! This is your better judgement speaking! Just don’t!
Today I’m leaving with Emily, Noah, Celeste, Hannah, and David and we’re going camping at Gooseberry Falls!
Dee is here! Celeste’s boyfriend Noah and I are becoming friends.
I was listening to Excuses by The Morning Benders and I thought to myself, if my car broke down while I was with Dee, just us, I’d laugh. And I realized that no matter what I’m doing, if we’re together, it’s ok. He makes me feel happy! What more do I need? We’re in love and we’re HAPPY. Things are so much more simple than I understand.
I reread my entries from Dee’s fuck-up. That broke my heart, he broke my heart. He has no idea what that put me through. Ah…. my night is ruined.
The days just blur together. It’s so strange how this summer has flown by.
Last night was really amazing. God told me I could lift people up with my words. Maybe I could save myself?
Tonight was so scary. It was like all my sadness tried to come out and ripped out my heart with it. I left and walked for a while and I saw Pastor Randy and I caught up to him and said, “Have you ever noticed me?” and he said “what?” and I said “have you noticed me?” He read me like a book. He said it was a really important question and that it meant more than just the obvious. He said that he had noticed me and that he understood I was going through some stuff. It was cool.
I was really upset so Dee said he would buy me a Slim Jim. I said ok. Turns out, there weren’t any left so he bought me a huge pile of little ones! I don’t know why it meant so much to me but it just meant a lot that he went the extra mile to make me happy.
We said we want to get married. I really truly do.
Okay. Depression is NOT the opposite of God. So SHUT UP.