November 5, 2010

Hooray! Today is the day that Daniel isn’t grounded after school!

I’m excited about that! I’m excited because my hair is soft! I’m excited because I have a choir concert tonight! I’m excited because I love my friends! I’m excited because I am free! I’m excited because I like my outfit! I’m excited because my iPod is a godly sanctuary of all the music ever! I’m excited because of all the things that Daniel has said to me! I am happy because it is Friday!

I am feeling good!!!

Daniel is so handsome. In fact, he is extremely fucking hot. Whoah yeah!!!!

November 4, 2010

Yesterday I broke up with my beautiful boyfriend of 2 years. I did so because we both need to discover ourselves as individuals. If it is truly meant to be, we will meet again and all will be well. It wasn’t a fight, it was mature and lovely. I will always love him. He will always have a place in my heart. Yes. That’s all.

October 30, 2010

Today is the day that Masquerade happened. Today is also the day that I held Daniel’s hand, and it was amazing.

So here’s how it happened… Daniel came over to Celeste’s this morning, and then while Sara was on Facebook, Daniel and I were in Celeste’s sunroom. We were just laying on the couch and watching TV and I had my arm kinda up cuz I was, you know, relaxing and he put his palm facing mine cuz he was gonna see how little it was. Then I just locked my fingers in his and we held hands for a while. It was so nice 🙂

Then when he came over, we just hung out in my room and we held hands and talked and he wrapped his arms around me a few times, too. It was so nice!! The only letdown today was the dance. I felt really ugly and icky and Daniel left early and some random guy came up to me and touched my ass. It was so horrible.

It’s going to be a mess when Daniel gives his grades to his parents. They’ll take away his phone etc. Grr it’s going to SUCK!

Today was a good day, though 🙂

October 25, 2010

Today me and Daniel went to our chair at Chester Bowl. It was fun, as always. When I left his house to go to yoga, he hugged me and like dragged me around the room until we tripped on a basket and fell on each other and it was like the funniest thing ever. I wanted to bottle up that moment forever.

Yoga kicked my ass tonight. Felt good.

Ugh fuck, he thinks I’m ‘artistic’. And Dee is ‘madly in love with me’. I’m so fucked I don’t even know what to do.

October 24, 2010

Daniel and I… oh god. I’ve got it bad. I’m “so fucking cute,” I’m “breathtaking,” the list goes on.

Seriously I am thinking about choosing Daniel. He’s what I want. Shouldn’t I do what I want? Doesn’t that make sense? He makes me HAPPY. So happy. That’s what I deserve.

I just realized… I do love Dee. I’m just not in love with him anymore. I really need to talk with him about that.

I want to hold Daniel’s hand!!!! SO BAD!

Oh my gosh if my friends knew about this mess they would disown me. I’m morally unsound! Woohoo!

October 21, 2010

Today is the day that I got high for the first time! I’ve tried it before… but tonight was so intense, I honestly completely lost track of reality. I thought I was dreaming! I thought I was a feather, I felt like a tangerine!

I don’t really know if I want to do it again, because I have never felt so out of control, dependent, and vulnerable in my whole life. It was…. I can’t describe it.

Celeste took care of us, and by the end of the night she was crying. Her and Daniel were so upset that we smoked weed that I never want to do it again. Yay for new experiences though!

Dee is in town. Tomorrow is his birthday… I love him, but I don’t feel so connected to him anymore. Only time will tell. I’m a horrible girlfriend. Or maybe I’m just a wandering soul…



October 15, 2010

Fuck. This isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.

Tonight we laid on Celeste’s couch and listened to music and it was awesome. We actually felt like high off of it. I’m so happy when he’s around.

I can’t believe he’s moving away. Fuck my life.

October 14, 2010

I’m in la clase de espanol. Dee and I are on a break. I’m developing feelings for Daniel.

I can never tell anyone. He is MOVING next spring. I’m just so grateful that I have him for as long as I will.

I’ve been denying it for a while now. And maybe I am just feeling lonely without Dee, but everyday it feels more real. I find myself thinking about him all the time, and little things make me happy. I feel SO guilty, but why should I? He’s an amazing person, and I’m only human. Tonight we hung out just me and him. There were so many times when I wanted to kiss him. Things would be so much more simple if he just told me that he has feelings for me.

On the other hand, he’s one of my best friends. I really need him. I wish I was his best friend. That would be a dream come true.

I’ll try to sleep. Unlikely with this on my mind.