Today was a snow day! I walked all the way to Daniel’s house and we made tea and snuggled and stuff. It was pretty cute.
Yeah so I’m getting white in my hair. And layers. It’s gonna be HOT! And I’m GOING. TO. GET. A. MONROE. No matter what. Ugh I don’t really care what my mother said. And when I turn 18 it’s tattoos galore!!!!
I want a stag on my chest with antlers stretching up onto my shoulders. And a big dream catcher on my hip with feathers down my thigh! And this [infinity sign drawn over a heart] somewhere on my body.
Tonight was absolutely magical. I don’t really know why.
It was an early release day, and me and Daniel and Celeste and Sara and Hannah and Emily hung out! It was so nice. We were at Sara’s house but then we had to leave so me and Daniel walked together to Celeste’s.
We were just talking about parents and stuff and I told him that he should call his mom and tell her that he loves her. So he called her right then! It was the sweetest thing ever. I talked to him about all the weird stuff that’s been happening with me and stuff. And then I cried. We can be really open with each other and I love that.
I’m so pissed. My fucking painting is GONE. I’m so mad, I was so proud of it. I never got to see it dry. I’m so fucking mad! Goddamnit, everything I look forward to always gets ruined. And honestly? I feel like I’m losing it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. And I have auditions for 13 tonight, which knowing me I’ll ruin.
Daniel kissed my cheek today. It was really sweet. OH, and the one day he has his phone, I forget mine at home.
I think about God sometimes. I just don’t quite get it, obviously. Whoops I found my painting and it sucks.
I love Bon Iver so much. I wish he was touring so I could go see him in concert. Mmmm I love the Morning Benders.
Today me and Daniel decided to make our relationship official! Not that official really matters. But still! That’s special. Me and my dad saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 today. It was fabulous!
You know what’s great? Daniel isn’t obsessed with touching me all the time. I know it’s not fair to compare them, but all Dee ever wanted to do was touch me. When I said no, he would make me give him reasons. That’s scary!
Oh fuck, it’s December. You know what that means! It means my sanity like fucking heads south for the winter or something. I don’t know. I already feel it slipping through my fingers.
I feel weird all the time. I can’t focus on anything! It’s probably because I only got a few hours of sleep last night.
God. I didn’t know it was possible, but somehow Dee is still clingy. I’m getting really fucking tired of it. I’d help him if he let me, but all he does is tell me how I ruined his life and then ask me really rude personal questions. Like wtf is your problem?
Oh my god I want curry from Zen House SO fucking bad right now. Oh my gosh. I would jump in the snow naked for that right now.
Celeste is the most beautiful person I know. She is my best friend even though I feel like I’ll never be hers. She’s so special and talented.
Dear reader, do you know why people cut themselves? I do. It’s because when someone has so much negative emotion built up, and you have no idea how to get it out, it’s the only release. I’m sure that’s not the case with everyone, some people maybe do it for attention, but this is the reason I can’t help but do it. The fact that people chalk it up to wanting attention only makes me feel like doing it more, I am so angry at myself. It’s really not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. It’s just a way of handling emotions.
Your family and friends wouldn’t freak out if you got scratched by a cat, so really what’s different other than the intention?
Although, if the motive is different, more harm could be done. For example, if this particular cutter had different intentions and really was crying out for help, that could become a dangerous situation. This is why I only trust myself.
Got to kiss Daniel again today, and let me tell you, it just keeps getting better. Really!
P.S. – RIP Sputnik, my dear beta fish that I found in a water bottle at a music festival.
Griffin asked me to Harvest today!
Oh high, please greet me now!
Today I got to hang out with my loves. And I wasn’t supposed to, but my dad and Jody got in a huge fight so I left.
Me and Daniel kissed again today! It was so fucking amazing. Probably cuz we were listening to music which makes everything sexier. Hot damn!
Am I high? I’m hungry
Last night was crazy! So I went to the All Star Weekend concert (I know it’s lame) because Stephen Jerzak opened! Then me and Haley were talking to him after and he gave me one of his bracelets and his phone number!! He asked us to go out for sushi with them but we didn’t have a car 😦 But still!
OH! And I kissed Daniel for the first time! The idea of it was nice, but oh god, it was such a fail. Oh well. I’ll fix it.
The song he wrote for me is so fucking beautiful! Nobody has ever done anything like that for me before!!!