September 20, 2012

I have become overcome with darkness. I can’t really describe it, but I’m at the worst I’ve been in a very long time and I’m not sure what to do. I can’t really get a grip on what’s real and what isn’t. Everything just feels like a lie. I don’t know what to do. I’ve become a major burden to Daniel, I guess he’s the only one I vent to… it’s hard to explain but when I feel these things my mind immediately concludes that I’m making it all up– that it’s all fake and fabricated for my own benefit. I’m hoping that I always just jump to the worst conclusions, and that it’s not true. I don’t want to be evil. I worry that there is something inside me that’s beginning to fill all the empty spaces, and I feel like a helpless little child. I don’t want those voices to be mine. I can’t even believe that these words are flowing out of this pen, what’s wrong with me? And to think how small I really am– it feels like this darkness envelops the whole universe, it seems so much bigger than me, and yet it’s just in myself, a storm in my tiny heart.

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