On the 24th I took [redacted] and was hospitalized. Obviously I was trying to kill myself. I walked into the bathroom, opened the cabinet, and took out [redacted] as if it were completely normal, as if I were brushing my teeth. I took them back to my room and started taking them in handfuls. I don’t want to go into how I got to the hospital, I will just say that it was against my will. I got there and they used charcoal to pump my stomach. I wasn’t allowed to be alone at all, I had a babysitter 24 hours a day. I wasn’t allowed to go to the bathroom alone and they had to measure my urine to see if I was dying and I swear I got my blood drawn at least 35 times the first night. I didn’t sleep at all. I had never been to a hospital, or even to a doctor, so I was very afraid. I threw up black, and my ears were ringing SO loud, everything sounded muffled. They told me I would probably be an inpatient at Miller Dwan for treatment. I had to be on and IV for 3 days and they considered kidney dialysis but ruled it out when my chemical levels started to go down. Anything above a ten is considered toxic and I was at a 42, whatever that means. They probably saved my life. I wish they hadn’t.
Published by uuggla
Born in 1996 Over the coming months, I'll be publishing several journal entries a day in chronological order. I began journaling in 2007, when I was eleven years old. Even then I wrote as though I were archiving my life, collecting details about my world. As I grew older, journaling became more of a description of my emotional world. I am an aspiring creative nonfiction writer who is producing very little since graduating college this Spring. But with this unusually thorough account of my entire adolescence, I feel as though I have been given a gift that has been under my nose this whole time. This is a practice in forgiveness and vulnerability. It is also a way to laugh at myself. View all posts by uuggla