March 12, 2011 – CW: sexual assault

I feel awful. I had a really fun weekend. I drank A LOT on Friday and Saturday nights, but something really horrible happened. On Friday, the party was raging one moment, and I guess I passed out, because when I woke up everyone was gone except Jack, and he was touching me. Not in the acceptable way. I woke up and he was putting his hands all over me, and one of them was inside my shirt. I rolled off the couch and shouted “what are you doing” and I don’t remember what he said, I just remember crying and saying “that’s not how it is between us,” and “please don’t do that”. And all of a sudden I was waking up again (I’m not even sure when I passed out) and it was happening again, his hands were all over the lower half of my body, really all over, and I got up again. I don’t remember anything else, I just know that it kept happening after I asked him to stop. So I guess I was taken advantage of by one of my best friends? The one person I’ve trusted lately, despite the fact that he knew it would kill me. I just can’t believe it. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to think. I feel so worthless and disgusting and awful.

I don’t know what to think anymore. I feel so lost and alone, I hate this.

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