I don’t know why, but I’m sitting with David and I can’t seem to comprehend the sentence, ‘I’m sitting with my friend’. Why does the idea of friendship seem so foreign in my mind? It seems like a fictional thing in books or movies. I love David very much but friend hardly seems to fit. Not just with David, but with everyone. Everyone I spend time with that I should understand to be my friend feels more like someone that I spend time with. It makes me realize how lonely I am. But usually I don’t realize it because it’s how I’ve always been. Isn’t it funny how things work?
I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of nothing. I can’t make up my mind.
Born in 1996
Over the coming months, I'll be publishing several journal entries a day in chronological order. I began journaling in 2007, when I was eleven years old. Even then I wrote as though I were archiving my life, collecting details about my world. As I grew older, journaling became more of a description of my emotional world.
I am an aspiring creative nonfiction writer who is producing very little since graduating college this Spring. But with this unusually thorough account of my entire adolescence, I feel as though I have been given a gift that has been under my nose this whole time.
This is a practice in forgiveness and vulnerability. It is also a way to laugh at myself.
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