Well, I got drunk last night. This life is too goddamn pointless to bear. I honestly have no will to live. I can’t function without him. I feel like a normal human being when I’m with him. I feel like I have no purpose. Everything I feel is a lie. My friends are a lie. I am a lie, showing my face. I want to live in the woods. I am a waste of space, time, everything.
I want deeply to end my own life, but it’s not an option. I am half of a whole. I could never leave him like that. I am not selfish enough to believe that this world, this web of relationships and love is my own to wreck. If I left it… I don’t know. The whole web would rip in half. I don’t know how much more pain I can handle before I break down again.
Born in 1996
Over the coming months, I'll be publishing several journal entries a day in chronological order. I began journaling in 2007, when I was eleven years old. Even then I wrote as though I were archiving my life, collecting details about my world. As I grew older, journaling became more of a description of my emotional world.
I am an aspiring creative nonfiction writer who is producing very little since graduating college this Spring. But with this unusually thorough account of my entire adolescence, I feel as though I have been given a gift that has been under my nose this whole time.
This is a practice in forgiveness and vulnerability. It is also a way to laugh at myself.
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Girltown 