June 5, 2010 – CW: Death and Suicide

My friends are all really stressed out… Parker is coming over today so things will boil down. He gave me a butterknife. It’s rusty but I like it. Weird.

I wish I wasn’t so sad… Diary, I don’t think I’ve ever written this down, but I think I have depression. Sometimes I wish I were dead. Okay… maybe a lot of the time. I hate myself so much. Oh and Parker hates me too, I can just tell. I wish I was dead. It would be an easy goal to achieve. I can’t wait. Some people think that’s bad but to me dying is just a promise. The world will spit me back out. Fuck everything.

If I let my guard down for 4 seconds I would break down. I fucking hate everything, I hate the way things are.

Do you ever feel like people are just friends with you because they pity you? That’s how I feel now. I feel like the moment I leave the room they’ll consult about how much [sentence ends]

Everytime I speak to Parker I feel like I’m going to puke up my lungs in a bad way. I hate it. But I love spending time with him. It’s probably because I feel like I annoy the fuck out of him. I wish I was dead.

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