June 4, 2010

Celeste just asked me to stay over. I said “sure” not wanting to seem too eager. The truth is that I wanted to break down crying, throw myself onto the pile of the only people that I have, and thank her for the invitation.

Why am I such a lie?

As we walked to Parker’s, I found a sprig of lilacs. I brushed them against my lips and inhaled. The water dotted onto my cheek and into my mouth. I love the way the petals fit the curve of my lip so perfectly.

The chemistry I feel toward Parker… I will never be able to change. He hung his arm over the leather chair, and I wanted to take it in my own to see how it feels. Is it warm? Soft? These questions. I could never answer them. It’s just this pull that I can’t help. I torture myself wondering if he feels it too. I doubt it. And I hate how I can’t control it.

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