December 25, 2009

It’s Christmas Eve.

And I’m losing my mind! Between BOYS. Fucking boys!

Their names are Peter and Dee. Fuck my life.

I’m in love with Isaiah. Well, I love him. And I couldn’t break his heart. But…

Peter is not safe. It would be stupid of me and I think the danger is part of why I’m into it… I know I have a future with Isaiah. And I know he loves me more than anyone else in the world. Bu I can’t live out my whole youth in love with a voice I hear on the phone.

And Peter… He’s such a mystery. It sounds nerdy, but there’s such a curiosity I feel with him. And he lives in Duluth. And he’s daring. And FUN. And he’s got so much depth, and he’s drawing me in. SO WHAT THE FUCK DO I FUCKING DO.

I could do both… never. Oh god. What am I getting myself into?

Wouldn’t it be great if I could put Dee on pause and live my life until it’s meant to be? If I do that, he’ll go and fall in love with someone else and she’ll be his forever. So that’s just not gonna work. Fuck my life!!

I’m so stupid, with all my stupid feelings! Please god, help me. Should I tell Peter? I can’t tell Dee, ESPECIALLY not on Christmas Eve.

If I go through with this, I’m going to ruin him. He loves me so much. And I don’t even know if Peter thinks of me that way. Why am I so fucking crazy?

Plus, Peter is always in the hospital, and he’s depressed, and he lies a lot. But oh my god he’s driving me crazy. What. The. Fuck.

Haha wow.

Peter and I will be friends! THE END!

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